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As Muslims we recognise that marriage is a pivotal part of our life, as verified in many famous hadith,
such as the one related by Anas, in which the Prophet (saw) said…
‘Anyone who marries completes half his deen’.
100 questions to ask a potential spouse
So what is the purpose of marriage in Islam?
Umm Yasin:
Islam is a strong advocate of marriage because as a way of life it genuinely takes
into account all human instincts and the procreation instinct is no exception.
Therefore there is no place for celibacy as we see among the Roman Catholic
priests/ nuns. The prophet (saw) clearly stated;
“... I marry woman also. And he who turns away from my sunnah has no relation with me”. [Bukhari]
With the decline of family values (including marriage) we see many social problems arising in
wider society eg teenage pregnancies ,poverty- single parents often struggling alone,
drug/alcohol addiction, promiscuity ands STD’s, to name but a few.
Abd Allah Ibn Umar said,
“the Prophet (saw) came to us and said, ’Oh Muhajareen, you may be
afflicted by five things; God forbid that you should live to see them.’ One of the five things
mentioned here was, ‘If fornication should become widespread, you should realise that this has
never happened without new diseases befalling the people which their forebears never
suffered......’ (Ibn Majah)
How should we deal with difficult situations in marriage?
You have three “keys” at your disposal which will help you in all your affairs by Allah’s leave:
- Du’aa’. There is nothing that Allah cannot do on earth or in heaven. Seek out the times when duas are answered, such as the last part of the night, the last hour of Friday, between the adhaan and iqaamah, and also when fasting, and when prostrating. Make a lot of du’aa’ and ask Allaah to make you righteous and guide you, ask Him to bring you both closer together and to take away the things that are upsetting you, and ask Him for His forgiveness and to keep you safe and sound.
- Certainty of faith. Thinking positively of Allah, for He (swt) is able to do whatever He wills when He wills.
- Patience As the Prophet (saw) advised Ibn ‘Abbaas (may Allah be pleased with him): “Remember that there is much good in bearing with patience that which you dislike, and that victory comes with patience, and that with hardship comes a way out and with difficulty comes ease.” Narrated by Ahmad, 2800.
“Verily, along with every hardship is relief” (Qur’an 94:5-6)
Nazia:
If difficulties arise that become too complicated and you are unable to come to a reconciliation try to resolve it at a family level, appoint a person, from each side of the family to look into the matter together and devise a compromise between the couple.
As Allah says in the Qur’an:
"If you fear a breach between the two, appoint an arbitrator from his people and an arbitrator from her people.
If they both want to set things right, Allah will bring about reconciliation between them. Allah knows all, is well
aware of everything." (Quran 4:35)
Liz:
It is important that we understanding exactly what our roles are, but it is equally a important that we understand our partners role.
The role of a husband:
- His first duty is to ensure that the marital life is centered around the purpose of
life – to worship Allah (swt) and live within the framework of the Islamic guidance
- Clothing and shelter for the wife and for any children of the marriage. The wife has no
duty to contribute to family expenses unless she has the means and the wish to do so.
"Men shall take full care of women with the bounties which Allah has bestowed
more abundantly on the former than on the latter, and with what they may spend out of their
possessions....".
(Qur’an 4:34)
- He is also expected to give her company and marital relations, and to avoid doing anything that would harm her mentally or physically.
- Ensure she practices the deen
- Should treat her kindly and fairly
- Should overlook her small faults focus on positives
Narrated Abu Hurayrah: the Prophet (saw) said:
a believing man should not hate a believing woman; if he dislikes one of her characteristics, he will be pleased with another. (Sahih Muslim Book 8, Number 3469)
"The whole world is an asset and the best asset is a good wife" (Muslim)
The role of a wife:
- Companionship and marital relations
- Meeting him with a smile and warm welcome when he comes back home from work
- Taking care of his money (responsibly!)
- Tidying the house for him to make him comfortable
- Preparing the best food for him
- Neatening and glamorizing herself for him
- Preserving her chastity
- Assisting him to be righteous and obedient to Almighty Allah
- Caring for and teaching the children
- Protecting his home while he is not there, not letting in anyone he would not approve of.
Asma’ bint Zayd Al-Ansariyah asked the Prophet (saw) about deeds that women can perform and get rewards equal to those of jihad, hajj, and zakah, which were mostly performed by men. Upon that, Allah’s Messenger (saw) ordered her to tell all Muslim women that the wife’s fulfillment of her duties toward her husband had a reward equal to those of all the aforementioned righteous deeds. That was why Asma’ was called “Women’s Spokeswoman,” for she told the Prophet that all Muslim women wanted to ask him the same question and that she spoke on their behalf.
The Prophet of Islam (saw) said,
"Women are the twin halves of men."
‘They (your wives) are your garment and you are a garment for them.’ (Qur'an 2:187)